Dear Moomanchu,
Whether it was commanded, demanded, suggested or implied, I nevertheless inferred, at the very least, that what I preached to someone "today" could very well result in saving his/her life. That thought was clearly expressed in the publications. My view of paradise was of that conveyed in very primitive fashion on the cover of earlier Watchtower magazines, the mountain and waterfall in the distance, the foreboding tower of strength in the foreground. That image has indelibly impressed itself upon me emotionally and aesthetically and professionally. I wanted to be there: that was my vision of paradise. But my years of full-time service took a toll on me psychologically, mainly because the command to preach was more closely linked to the modus operandi of a high-demand organization than to Jesus Christ's gentle persuasion to become his follower. Whatever your mother's reasons for not "participating" in the required manner, I simply could not push the literature, preferring to use the Bible and discussing the Lord's Prayer and the love of God and Jesus. But that was not the program and I simply could not fit in. I contented myself with informal witnessing but even gave that up officially at the first of the year. After forty years of absolute regularity, I am now inactive. I very clearly remember the words of a 1960's WT, almost verbatim: ' Some brothers are so caught up with the Truth that they push others to do what they do not want to do.'
Yours truly,
Compound Complex